Thursday, September 13, 2007

today i laugh at myself

sometimes i forget how much i sit back in my head and make judgements of people, trying to figure out what they want, what's underlying what they're saying, what's the internal motivation.... today i was doing that in full force. i was noticing the way different people frame their experiences, and making guesses about what their needs are. there's more than a little codependence in that, though at this point, i'm not doing much to make myself into something that will fulfill someone else's needs. and there's quite a bit of my own sorry need to feel superior sometimes. but i'm in a forgiving mood, so we'll let that one just float on by.
i was thinking, along this track, about how much i mistrust helper types...myself included. i start wondering what they really want. is it the approval of others? accolades? acclaim? to feel good about themselves? to right some wrong they've committed in the past? to be accepted?
i don't know. maybe i'm projecting all of my own suspect motivations in being one of those twisted helper types. i'll have a whole year to delve into that, since CPE is all about self-examination and reflection on action/reaction.
and i'm just about all ready for that.