When, Why, and How I Realized I'm Gay and Chose to Accept It

I recently received an email from a relative who asked when, why, how, etc. I became gay. This is my answer, and I wanted to post it because it relates to what I want to write about in my next post.

--------

"So here's my answer to your question of when, why, how, etc. I realized that I'm gay and chose to accept it:
In college I was exposed to many different perspectives, and to an environment where we could engage with each other about them. This was different from my experience growing up in a place where there was one right perspective and many wrong ones, even if people disagreed on what the right and wrong perspectives were. In college I met people (mostly straight people, and a few gay ones) who articulated perspectives that shared my values but not my rules. I came to see that the way I believed in God as a child (a God who made rules that I could not understand and could not live up to, and who punished and shamed me because I could not meet those impossibly high ideals) was not the God that I experienced every day in my life (a God who affirms my worth as a human being, who takes great pleasure and joy in Creation, and who asks me first to love my neighbor, myself, and the earth - and to understand my life values and ethics from that perspective). In the middle of this, I realized that I was attracted to some men as well as some women. I came to understand that I can engage my desire for love & intimacy (and my desires for creativity, joy, relationships, learning, etc.) by measuring my actions with my values - asking how my choices reflect and increase the love, joy, and grace that are divine gifts given to everyone who chooses to accept them. Like anyone learning and growing into emotional maturity, I had some relationships that met my values, and others that didn't. I had friends and mentors who helped me sift through my choices, actions, and experiences.

These values and life experiences are what led me to commit to a relationship with my partner and accept my sexuality as it is. This relationship continues to provide a foundation for my work in the world, addressing conditions that hurt others, stifle joy, and increase hatred & distrust rather than love - and helping provide an example for others in engaging with deep love, compassion, and joy in existence. Our relationship is a gift that increases love and joy in the world and does not hurt others in the process.
How did you come to engage and accept your desire for love, intimacy, and companionship in your relationship?"