the consequences of something simple

Last night my partner and I had dinner with a couple friends who have been heavily involved with grassroots organizing around same-sex marriage. We talked about an uptick in being called faggots on the street (often by teens and kids, and only once by someone who had an obvious mental illness), which we've noticed since the election. Our friends verified that not only is there anecdotal evidence of this (and also in the news from a brutal rape of a Latina lesbian in Richmond), but studies have shown that when issues like same-sex marriage and other nondiscrimination laws are in the news, LGBT people have increased stress levels and more interpersonal conflict. Both friends described how some straight men have responded to their visible lesbianism by forcefully making out with their girlfriends (at a traffic light and at the ice cream store, for example)
During our trip to Florida, we were often in places (city streets in the daytime, the grocery store, the mall) where we didn't know who was around, and what their opinion or potential violent reaction might be. It isn't new to be intensely aware of our surroundings like this, but in this new place, we were more cautious about holding hands (which we usually do) or other signs of affection. We noticed an increase in a feeling of distance between us as a couple, and more minor irritability with each other. That was just for 10 days. It got me thinking about the subtle consequences of this. When a couple is told their relationship is unconstitutional, or they are afraid to show affection in public, their relationship has consequences. It may be more unstable, and it may feel less real, even to the individuals who are a part of it. [Which is not to say that same-sex couples, or anyone else, must be monogamously paired for life, but we all deserve to have it as an option] Also, when a vote comes down like Prop 8 against same-sex marriage, a (hopefully unintended) side effect is an increase in harassment and violence. I believe there are studies on this, but I haven't looked into it. It reminds me of some parallels in my work against sexual violence. Women are often more vigilant about their surroundings, to avoid harassment and assault from men, for example. And there are solidly researched correlations between attitudes & social constructions that demean women and the acceptance of violence against women. As I stressed with many of the fraternity men I worked with, even if you would never condone a violent act against women, when you participate in something that sends the message that women are less human in some way (telling sexist jokes, for example), the implicit message for those who are prone to violence is that you (laughing at a sexist joke) condone violent behavior.
Back to the issue of same-sex marriage: I don't necessarily have a problem with those who disagree with it (even though I do think they're wrong). I do have a problem, however, with anything nonviolent (ie relationships) that requires reinforcement through violence (ie anti-gay violence to reinforce heterosexual pairing). Isn't that what fascism was about? I challenge all same-sex marriage opponents to construct an argument that doesn't lead to or condone violence.