excuses/leering

A while back, someone was telling me about attending a gathering of gay Episcopal priests, and one of them joked that when he sees a good-looking man, he is "just appreciating the beauty of God's creation."

Something about this irked me, and it took me a little time to figure out why. In conversation with this person, I came down to this: it doesn't take into account the responsibility of what to do with that urge to look at another person in a sexual/admiration way. This argument is a variation on "I'm just complimenting the other person when I leer/whistle/honk/etc." It's used to justify inappropriate, objectifying/demeaning behavior (as opposed to objectifying/appreciating, which is something that gives the objectified person the control--and it's a blurry line). It's something that's been done to me, and I've done to others, and I've heard many women (particularly) complain about. The person pointed out that thrust of the comment was to move from a shame-filled judgment of same-sex attraction to acknowledging and accepting this attraction as part of creation, as part of God. I get that, but my irk comes from not naming the next step, which is to accept that as part of creation, it is our God-given responsibility to use that powerful attraction/desire for caring, loving, just actions. And then I realized that part of my irk also comes from is not knowing when to take something as humorous and when to take it seriously. I think part of it is when I don't trust the common understandings of those participating. And I think that context is what makes all the difference. If I trusted that group to act responsibly, I wouldn't be bothered by it. I don't know, maybe that's an obvious point, but it just crystallized.